Matt Verderamo is a consultant with Well Built Construction Consulting, a Baltimore-based firm that provides strategic consulting, facilitation services and peer-to-peer panel discussions for construction executives. The opinions are the author’s own.
You’d think an email wouldn’t be worth ruining a relationship or a project, but it happens every day.
Usually, quiet people go to the scorched earth: trash-talking a general contractor or project owner, gossiping about other contractors, or sending scathing responses in response to a simple request.
As a project manager, super, executive, or owner, you have the power to build amazing relationships and projects despite the nasty emails you get. If you are able to respond professionally and keep your team focused, you will avoid problems, show that you are not like other contractors and everyone will be much happier.
Matt Verderamo
Authorization granted by Construction Consultants
In my experience, there are a few ways to really harness the power of ignoring nasty messages. First, here are some common mistakes people make when they receive a nasty email:
Reacting immediately: Just because construction is a fast-paced industry doesn’t mean you always have to trust and act on your immediate reaction. I could retire if I had a dollar for the amount of times I’ve seen someone freak out because they misread an email or text.
They tell themselves stories: As humans, we only see the world through our lens. Naturally, we take the information we see through that lens and start making assumptions about everything we can’t see. We talk to a PM once, we don’t like their tone, and then we go back to our office and have an email in our inbox. He doesn’t seem to say anything bad, but now the tone of his email seems off.
So we tell everyone in the office to watch out for this guy – he’s out to get us. Meanwhile, the guy was having a bad day and his email was innocuous. If you’re not aware of this, you can create some seriously unnecessary conflict by telling yourself stories that probably aren’t true.
Taking on the conflict is the only way: Unfortunately, conflict is so ingrained in construction that most people go into every job, project meeting, or office visit assuming that fighting is the only way to survive. It then becomes a vicious cycle where team members are creating friction because they think it’s the only option, which creates more conflict. It happens especially by email.
How to answer
Ignoring a rude or annoying email and remaining professional requires a change in mindset combined with the right habits. Here are some tips on how to respond:
- Breathe deeply: When you get the annoying email, stop and take a deep breath. Was it really that bad? Do I really need to freak out? Use your breath to remind yourself of the kind of person you want to be.
- Move your body: Get up and walk around the workplace, take a walk around your office, stretch your arms at your desk. Reading the email sent a jolt of negative energy and anxiety through your body. Moving helps to release it.
- Put yourself in their shoes: Also known as “empathy practice,” imagine that you are the person who sent you the email. What is it like to be them? What kind of pressure are they under? How could he have added to that pressure? Try to understand their perspective. It will help a lot.
- Look at the big picture: Chances are you are building a multi-million year project with this person. You will need to talk to each other almost every day throughout this process. Once you start painting that bigger picture…do you really want to do something nasty in return?
- Pick up the phone: Pick up the phone and speak directly to the person. Most of the time, you misread something or assumed a tone that wasn’t there. You can solve all these problems on the phone without ever getting into a heated fight. Then submit your response via documentation email.
Emails are one of the most important means of communication in construction. Make sure you and your team respond in a professional manner.
